The Course of Faith

Over the last 8 years of my life, I've been up and down, drifted far and reeled back in, was satisfied and then tired. When I became a Christian in October of 2005, I was young and naive (not much different from what I am now). When you are first filled with the Holy Spirit and make a commitment to follow Christ and become a Christian, you might not know the full story. But, I don't believe that you have to... yet. I didn't know that suffering would still continue, that I would have moments of sadness, weakness, temptation. That I would still struggle as a human being.

Most of my struggle of faith came when I moved. Making new friends was difficult, keeping in contact with old friends was difficult, and finding a new church family was difficult. I was no longer surrounded by people who loved God. However, God uses everything and anything to glorify Him, and my case was no exception. Through my struggle, I would not change a thing. These past two years have been the hardest I've gone through and yet they are (in my opinion), the strongest part of my testimony. I have never witnessed God work so strongly. To be able to look back to a moment of confusion and be able to see what God was trying to teach you, is one of the greatest feelings on earth. 

Through another long story, even though I have been a Christian for 8 years, I have never been baptised. Actually, that is not true... I was baptised as a baby. But what most people don't understand, is that Believer's baptism is "identification with the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ" and "a public testimony o f our faith in the Lord Jesus" and finally, it is a commandment of Jesus: "And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, All power is given to me in heaven and in earth. 19Go you therefore, and teach all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost" Matthew 28:18-19. So on July  7, 2013, in a Nova Scotian lake, I will finally be baptised.

                                    Here's a picture of my good friend Deb getting baptised in 2010

 So even though time has passed, it is better late than never, and I am so glad that I was able to come back to the church that I came to faith in, and that people here invest in me and my faith. Here, my faith is nourished, and in reference to my last couple of posts, my tank is being filled here, maybe for preparation for my move back to Toronto, where is can be drained through learning and life experiences, and then another way to fill it back up can be found. I have hope and confidence in my heavenly Father, wherever he guides me.

Finding A New Family

It took me a bit over a year to find my Ontario Family. I have left a lot behind in my home in Nova Scotia. My biological family, my church family, and my friends who are like family. Everyone was left behind, and I was all on my own. I reconnected with my sister- 3 hrs away. One of my good friends from NS moved an hour away and we're still good friends. I found family in my roommates, who are like my adopted siblings. I fell in love and have his family. It took me a long time to create a life around me. I had a lot of friends in first year, that I don't have now.

These past two years have been the most accelerated growth I have experienced. So many trials, but I have grown so much as a person because of certain experiences. Through the tough times, I wouldn't change a thing.

The most important thing in life is your family. It doesn't have to be biological, but your quality of life will be based upon the people you adopt into your life.

A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

Working in a hospital, it's sometimes stressful, but you have moments that are very rewarding. I saw this statement today  "A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle." and was wondering how true it is. Ultimately, helping someone, especially in a palliative state, can be very draining, and if you put all your effort into someone else's comfort, your own comfort will be drained. The analogy of a candle in care, at first, seems unappropriate. A better analogy would be 2 cups. One cup is filled with water and the other cup is empty. As you help someone, in a hospital or otherwise, your cup will slowly empty, and the other cup will slowly fill. It's draining. A pastor recently said this in his sermon. You always have to make sure your own tank is filled. This doesn't mean being selfish, but it means that at the end of the day when you have drained your tank, that you take time to refill it. Some people may do this through exercise, baking, being with friends/family, etc. If you don't refill it, your tank will be empty and you will have nothing left to give the next day.

The idea of the candle is nice, and comforting, but it's not completely true. Unless you see the whole cycle of kindness. When you drain your tank to help others, your reward can be found in witnessing the effect on the other person. Therefore, when you light another candle, and help another person, you can strengthen yourself and the other person. Selflessness is hard to achieve because sometimes you don't see the whole cycle, and instead you are just drained, and not refilled.

In the hospital, you have thankful patients and not-so-thankful patients. But one patient who is thankful can make your whole week.

So the next time someone helps you, or drains their tank for you, be appreciative, be thankful, and refill their tank. And when you drain your tank for someone, know that it is worth it, regardless of their response.